the worn out duffel bag
by Rhiabrey Skye
Summary: /She runs into their bedroom and throws her clothes and toothbrush into her bag. Meanwhile, he's cursing at her to leave because he knows she wont make it more than an hour without him. She always comes back.


"Congrats."

She turns around to see the source of the voice and finds herself to be starring up at none other than Freddie Benson in a baby blue cap and gown. She smiles and hugs him tightly, squeezing the breath out of his lungs. He returns the affection by laughing and soon finds it unfunny when she just doesn't let go.

…

They're dysfunctional, they're total opposites to the point where they completely throw each other off. They had this picture, this complete fantasy made up in their mind of what they thought would happen, what it would be like, what they _hoped _happened. They should've known it was all an illusion, because they're young, and from their past experiences they were the worst with dealing with love.

Though he notes the difference when he's standing there before her. It wasn't the first time they've had this kind of fight. The ones where they each wonder where this relationship will eventually lead to. Its been almost four years and they've done nothing but pass the stages of kissing and sex, so they doubt if this is all there really is to them, because truly it's _not_ enough.

She tells him how it's not worth it, that this isn't the same kind of love she felt for him like when they were in high school. Back then it was just physical and this time it's not going to all be about commitment and she's so wrong- she always has been, really. But he wouldn't dare ever say that to her face, so he lets her run into her bedroom and throw her clothes and toothbrush into her bag as he curses at her to leave because he knows she wont make it more than an hour without him.

She screams multiple obscenities back at him, and eventually it dies down and five minutes later she's in the living room, and she tries to find the power to actually un off. It's probably why she's standing there, her hair disheveled and duffel bag in hand. He's not quite sure what so say, except just situate himself there and look at her. He considers telling her to stay, he's capable of giving her millions of reasons as to why she shouldn't leave him - leave _them. _

Though he just stands there in their dark apartment that they've lived in together for about six months. Her breathing is surprisingly soothing and rhythmic to the silent air, the total contrary to the pressure of his blood flowing through his body. There seems to be no complete thought process reaching his brain and he doesn't find the strength to bring her closer to him. She was hoping, needing, him to step up to her and tell her to stay. But when he does absolutely nothing her heart shatters and she has no choice but to nod and walk around him towards their door.

And then she's gone.

…

He had been waiting when he hears the soft knock on his door. He knows she'd been sitting out in her car crying, and he had been in their room starring at the clock wondering how long it would take her this time. He almost lost all hope when it had been twenty minutes, she'd never been gone for so long. He feels so guilty for doing this to her, because he really doesn't mean to. Or maybe he does.

He opens the front door and just like that she walks up to him until her body presses up against his and, just like a practiced routine, she drops the worn out duffel bag by their feet and she lays her head on his muscular chest. He stares out into the night sky behind her massive curls before hesitantly wrapping his arms around her small body and she's shaking. He shouldn't have left her out there in that cold beat up car with the car off, because he knows that she hated the way their old pick up always vibrated immensely when turned on. He wants to apologize over and over but he waits for that until their both lying there in their bed, their bare legs intertwined as his lips roam over bare shoulder.

And he tells her he's sorry he can't be good enough for her and how she had scared him this time because he thought she wasn't coming back. She grabs his face in her hands and whispers, "If there's any mistake I could ever make between us, it'd be leaving you."

"I love you." he murmurs into her mouth.

…

They're at that one coffee shop they love to go to every winter, and she is starring out the window watching the snow flakes fall from the white sky. She looks across the table and he's already starring at her. She chuckles and calls him a creep for starring so much and he does nothing but continue to stare anyway.

"You're so beautiful, Sam."

Instead of smiling, she looks down in her cup as the white swirls of the cream create a beautiful designed contrast with the dark coloring of the hot beverage. He notices her fallen face and his heart can't help but fall along with her.

"I want to go back."

He sucks in a deep breath and bites his lip. They don't say much else until the nice waitress with short black hair puts a plate of a warm blueberry muffin that just came out of the oven on their table. Neither of them touch it.

He looks out into the wintery, beautiful street that makes up most of Greenwich Village as he bites on the knuckle of his thumb. The soft indie music playing in the little café seems to relax him for a while, he thinks

"No." he says.

He watches as tears begin form on the brim of her eyes. He feels regret in the pit of his stomach - he reaches out and places his harsh strong hands on her tiny soft ones and their eyes meet - then he feels love.

"You can come with me, Freddie."

"No."

Their stares are intense, but they know that'll all be gone by tonight when they head back to their urban apartment where they'll go back to fighting and creating a life that coats their old one. Sam pushes his hand off hers and rips the muffin in half, and that's when they both know the conversation is over.

…..

Just like any other morning, he wakes up with the view of her bare back facing him as the chill of the dawn sends goose bumps over his naked form. He pulls the white sheet that is covering only his lower half farther up her body so she wont be cold. Moving closer to her, he drapes his arm just under her breasts and leaves a lingering kiss on her exposed shoulder. He takes advantage of this moment because he's not quite sure if this is the last time he'll ever get to hold her like this.

He remembers the first time. It was the morning he left for college. The night she had come over, they barely shared any words when she knocked on his door at around eleven at night and captured his lips with hers in a heated kiss. Clothes had been discarded in the hallway, creating a path that finally lead to his bed where they took advantage of all the hours in the night.

"I'm going with you when you leave tomorrow." she had whispered into the dark as they laid starring at each other, "We're gonna leave it all behind, the pointless reasons, the commitment." he nodded slowly and left a lingering wet kiss on her lips.

Just like she'd said, they left together to New York City where he attended NYU. She got a small job as a waitress in a four star restaurant on the lower east side, and they bought a small apartment in the village with a roomy living room, an average size kitchen, and a bedroom they fell in love with.

Sam had kept her word; they forgot Seattle, their friends- everything. Together, they started a new life, but it was all for the wrong reasons. The only love they shared was when the sun was gone- though that was only on good days when they weren't screaming at each other and she wasn't shoving him against a wall or table lamp. They still hadn't gotten a new one.

It was that morning after he kissed her shoulder and he felt her shift that he realized what was wrong. She wanted to leave because she wanted something she had long ago agreed with him they wouldn't have - commitment. They needed a future and this wasn't it. He then decided that that night he would finally talk to her.

…

"I stopped by that little coffee shop you like and picked you up a donut." he closes the front door and looks around the dark apartment. Fear dawns down on him when he sees her sitting there on the couch, her head hanging low.

His face falls and he places the paper bag on the little table to his left, "Sam?" she throws her hands on the couch next to her and takes a deep breath, "baby?

His hand is on the side of her face now and he's brushing her strand of hair behind her ear. Her cheeks are glistening in tears and at that moment he swore he would hurt a single soul that would ever hurt her.

"I'm leaving." she whispers, and it's then that he notices the duffel bag laying by her feet.

He kisses her, "then I'll go with you."

her breath wavers and her lips tremble slightly as she brings him in a tight embrace, totally forgetting the worn out duffel bag.

"Yes." he whispers, "I- I don't like this, Sam. I don't want to live this life anymore-" she cuts him off with a hard kiss.

"Lets leave tonight."

….

The next morning he goes to his university they agree that he could be allowed to finish his courses online, but they think it's really strange for a twenty one year old to be so caught up in a girl and willing to make such huge promises just for love. Freddie just smiles and meets Sam outside who is waiting outside their beat up four by four truck where she's leaning up against the door with arms crossed waiting for him.

"Thought you'd never come back, dork." He laughs and kisses her.

He holds her hand the entire drive to the airport and they share stories about how they can't wait to see everyone again, how stupid they've been the past two years and how she can't wait to marry him even though she hasn't even gotten a ring yet.

They can't hold in their excitement when they finally arrive at the airport and pay for their tickets. When it's time for the baggage paying, they both hand the lady their bags where she staples a little white paper onto each handle. When Sam hands her the brown overused duffel bag the lady chuckles, "Didn't think about buying a new one did you?"

Sam looks at Freddie who's already looking at her and he says, "Just couldn't let her go."

And off to Seattle they went.

_So here's to our struggles and strive_

_Lets make the most of these hours_

_Till time defeats all with its powers_

…

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